Hallore has been bugging me. She's been keeping everything in for much too long. She needs to share. The trouble is, she hasn't exactly have a lot of people she trusts. You might even say she has no friends whatsoever. The only people she remotely trusts enough to share her story with do not share her story. They're locals.
How could they ever understand what it is like to be ripped away from your homeworld, your memories taken from you? How could they ever begin to imagine what it is like to have to piece together your own life when your guess is just as good as anyone else's? And have they truly any idea how it feels to have a weight drop from your shoulders as you realise you are, in fact, a decent human being? To truly fear how far you would go if only your hate were strong enough?
By now, Hallore knows she is a dead girl walking. Whatever her old life was, it ended. Her real body died before coming here, or shortly after. However grateful she is to know with certainty that she is not inhabiting another's body, the thought that this is in effect her afterlife makes her sick to the stomach.
She was happy when she arrived. She left everything, lost everyone, and was grateful for it. That's just not right, though, is it? Her friends and family, the people she values more than anything in the world, gone. Not even the slightest memory remains. And she's happy for it? It can't be right. There must be more to the story.
Hallore has farmed, mined, skinned bears, tortured people, fished, performed tricks, demanded money, counsilled rulers, wrestled cougars, peddled wares... She understands fear, pain, trust... But right now, what she does best is think. And she'll do anything to prevent it.
For months she's been juggling dumb labour, mindnumbing alcohol, and running a government. Her bonds won't hold much longer. She needs to confide in someone. Anyone.
Right now, it would that I, her creator, am the only confidant available.
Think on it,
Erane
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Monday, February 15, 2010
Fuck!
I'm seriously hating DSguy now.
I know I've been staying over way more often than would be considered normal. I know this guy has been integrated into every inch of my life. My study, my co-ed fraternity, all my roleplay groups, most of my larps... I know it's stupid to then eat and sleep over on a regular basis. I know all of this.
But bloody hell, does he have to use this closeness to then jeopardise everything?!
The way everybody seems to think we're a couple is on me, I get that, that's on me. But this 'buddy system' of helping each other actually attend classes is spiralling rapidly out of control. It doesn't help that it only motivates when at least one of us is already motivated. It certainly doesn't help that we're often sleeping at the same place, and oversleeping at the same time. But actually guilting me into staying longer when I'm already late and forcing me to miss a mandatory course is really crossing a line!
I hate him. I hate what he does to my studies. I already hate myself enough for being several years behind, but dammit, I was finally attending a second year class, and I actually enjoyed it. Now it's barely one week into the course and I've already allowed myself to sabotage my chances of success.
He turned off the alarm. He inspired me not to rush out when I woke barely 20 minutes late for the first course, to check where the mandatory course following this one would be. When I couldn't find it, I wanted to rush out anyway, to make it to the midbreak of the first course and ask the guidance councillors. He told me not to, that I'd be too late anyway. He bribed me with the promise that to make me breakfast if I'd stay. When afterwards I wanted to rush out, he stalled. Bloody adjusted a doodle to a game's release date, for crying out loud. I missed the end of class. I still don't know where the mandatory course is. It started half an hour ago, and I was at school without the slightest idea where to go next. I was on time, and I missed it anyway.
Yes, I need to be more determined. But this whole 'buddy system' is to motivate the other to go to classes and hand in assignments, not to skip them, and not to let slide on mandatory courses for bloody breakfast!
Fuck!
Think on it,
Erane
I know I've been staying over way more often than would be considered normal. I know this guy has been integrated into every inch of my life. My study, my co-ed fraternity, all my roleplay groups, most of my larps... I know it's stupid to then eat and sleep over on a regular basis. I know all of this.
But bloody hell, does he have to use this closeness to then jeopardise everything?!
The way everybody seems to think we're a couple is on me, I get that, that's on me. But this 'buddy system' of helping each other actually attend classes is spiralling rapidly out of control. It doesn't help that it only motivates when at least one of us is already motivated. It certainly doesn't help that we're often sleeping at the same place, and oversleeping at the same time. But actually guilting me into staying longer when I'm already late and forcing me to miss a mandatory course is really crossing a line!
I hate him. I hate what he does to my studies. I already hate myself enough for being several years behind, but dammit, I was finally attending a second year class, and I actually enjoyed it. Now it's barely one week into the course and I've already allowed myself to sabotage my chances of success.
He turned off the alarm. He inspired me not to rush out when I woke barely 20 minutes late for the first course, to check where the mandatory course following this one would be. When I couldn't find it, I wanted to rush out anyway, to make it to the midbreak of the first course and ask the guidance councillors. He told me not to, that I'd be too late anyway. He bribed me with the promise that to make me breakfast if I'd stay. When afterwards I wanted to rush out, he stalled. Bloody adjusted a doodle to a game's release date, for crying out loud. I missed the end of class. I still don't know where the mandatory course is. It started half an hour ago, and I was at school without the slightest idea where to go next. I was on time, and I missed it anyway.
Yes, I need to be more determined. But this whole 'buddy system' is to motivate the other to go to classes and hand in assignments, not to skip them, and not to let slide on mandatory courses for bloody breakfast!
Fuck!
Think on it,
Erane
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