What Women HATE Most About Single Guys...
1) Giving Up Your Status In Exchange For Her Attention And Approval
2) Being Needy, Clingy, And Insecure
3) Not Leading - And Even Worse, Trying To Get Her To Lead
4) Using Insecure, Approval-Seeking, Low-Status Posture, Gestures, Voice Tone, And Body Language
5) Not Understanding That She's A Woman And You're A Man
6) Not Being Interesting To Be Around
7) Not Understanding Attraction
Seriously. Why haven't I shortlisted this thing before? It's only the ultimate answer to any zero-attraction problem I've ever had...
Think on it,
Erane
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Sunday, February 15, 2009
'Date'
It just hit me. I'm going on a date.
The last two weeks or so have gone by in a frenzy of demotivation and overmotivation, skipping school on one end and taking on project after project on the other. Cutting fabric for one dress, getting supplies for another, seaming a skirt, 'shaving' a puppet, knitting babyclothes, you name it, I've done it. I even picked up my old scoobidou skills and continued an old embroidery. Even several books, characters and LARP purchases crossed my mind as serious options to spend my time.
I'm not even sure why I haven't been going to school. Every morning, my phone rings the alarm to kick me out of bed and boot me off to college. And every morning, I snooze until it's too late to bother. The later it gets, the better I can convince myself it's not worth going anymore. I can't do this to myself anymore. I already skipped the entire last period. I can't double back another year. If I don't man up and do this... I may never finish my studies. And if I can't even work the one major that fits me like a second skin, what on earth am I supposed to do? I could never motivate myself to study something... less. And I certainly can't get a job without a diploma. I don't even have a sense of direction without a diploma.
At the very least I have to do the assignments posted online, the ones I need to pass the courses and pad up my grades. I know this perfectly well. I still haven't started on philosophy (or even aqcuired the syllabi) and I still haven't finished the first week's prolog (of which I don't actually know what we're supposed to turn in). I can blame the early hours all I want, but the fact remains that I've seen close to 40 hours of tv-shows in the last three days and spent 0 minutes on my studies.
And now... I'm not even sure that's what I'm worried about. I am... going on a date. I think. No, I'm going on a date. That may not turn out to be one. And clearly I'm chickening out. What's with this whole dating thing, anyway? I thought for sure our country was too sober to even believe in it. Something developes, or it doesn't... isn't that how the romance thing works? Getting to know someone as a purely platonic friend, having him crash over without any repercussions or awkwardness is not quite my idea of something developing.
I mean, for crying out loud. Our most frequent topic of conversation is Pokémon. Of all things! Pokémon! Where I come from, once it's okay to have serious conversations about childhood fandoms, it's because the relationship has already received the kiss of death. The only other guy I ever shared this fandom with is Busboy. He's practically the definition of platonic.
But then, he specifically used the word 'date' when he asked me out (for an as yet unplanned evening, to my knowledge). He might as well have had me in a corner, though. He asked as a sort of 'by the way' while my bus home was pulling up and he was leaving for his. I mentioned how funny and strange the idea was, that I'd never been on a real 'date'. He agreed. We laughed it off. It still felt platonic, and I was in a rush, and I... said sure. Well no, let me rephrase that. I said, "Why not?" I honestly believed I had nothing to lose.
Hm. I just realised today is Valentines. Typical to have a romantic epiphany on the holy day of romance. Anyway.
When later he mentioned a night of movies, fun and awe I had to restrain myself from mocking the comment. It just doesn't feel like anything's changed from the goofy Pokémon athmosphere... but that's not true, is it? If he felt the same way, saw us as just two friends with shared interests, he wouldn't be pursuing this. And if he hadn't specifically mentioned it'd be a date, the thought would never have crossed my mind. On numerous occasions I've explained to my housemate that nothing was there. How did I miss this? Why do I always miss this? I hate being naïve and gullible! Empathy, perception, all of it is worth squat when it comes to what people think of me... How can I -- Oh.
"How can I protect myself if I can't see these things coming?" ... I still see dating as a threat. Shit.
I was worried Four would find his match in Five. I've killed plenty of relationships with a single night on the town. I've killed many more before things escalated to even that. Last time I convinced myself it was just as friends, the night ended with a surprise kiss on the cheek. Of all things? It's only the most confusing thing ever. Last time a guy showed blatant interest in me, I never even responded to the invite.
Suddenly I know exactly where Moshie's coming from. The guy was perfectly interesting and intriguing a year and a half ago, when he turned out to be dating someone else and never even considered me. Now I meet him again single, flirty and halfway drunk, and I've actually gone home without telling anyone because he bored me crazy. The guy thought I was being coy, but liked being teased. The guy thought he was teasing. My normal mode of conversation tends to be more provocative. I was merely too exhausted to bother.
Drifting off.
I know that I have to be open to the whole relationship thing. I know I could never do flings. Well, that's not true. I know I could never fling with guys that can do flings, and that I'd never fling with guys that can't. I guess that means I can't do flings...? Whatever. Flings are not for me, the idea of perfect strangers disgusts me, and the idea of repercussions with people I do know terrifies me. But I really do try to open up. I say yes to things my instinct tells me to run from. Except part of me knows I'll run sooner or later.
I'm not ready. I've never been ready. And I don't know what to do to ready myself. I'm a very open person; I can tell a stranger anything and never think twice about it. I'm posting my innermost thoughts and secrets on the world-wide web on an unprotected website in a universal language. Does it get any better than that? I'm a writer, I know I can tell anything to strangers and I know people can accept any knowledge of strangers, because that's all they're ever going to be.
Sometimes I wonder what would happen if any of my friends (other than Moshie, who has a hotlink) found this blog. Occasionally I route them to my vague, artsy blog. On rare occasions one of them gets shown the skeletons in my closet otherwise known as fanfiction. And I regularly tell them tall tales about CM, the Canadian-girl-whose-blog-I-read. If they were ever to read it, to read the comments she gets... This may not be my given name, but it stands out to each and every one of them none the less. They'd all know it were me. And it links straight to this blog.
I do fear it, sometimes. But not even Moshie figured it out. We just exchanged links and that was that. And in a way, she's safe too. She knows enough to understand who's who, but that's about all the involvement she has. For all intents and purposes, however close she is to me... when it comes to sharing my feelings on the people I know, she's just another stranger. Another safety net. I still have a habit of spreading around what rants end up with who. Everything lands with someone who knows just enough to follow the story, but much too little to have any effect.
Which reminds me, I saw Drow online today. I congratulated her on something mentioned in her screenname. As per usual, no response ever came. I'm used to it. I just want to say one thing while no one is listening.
*ahem* ...
)(@$&@#($*&#%_*#)$&@#)%*@_#%&@#)*$&#)@($*@_#*!#)$^@()#*$!_&)_%&%@#)$*($@)#(%&)!@#($*)(E*)@#($&@#*)(%)@#($*_%&#)@($*@#()%#()@&$!_@*(^%)_!&*#%()#&(*!$@^#*#!@^#&* @#*^@#*&$^#*&^()* &@()*$&()@#%*^@#(*)$&@#()*$&@#()*^$!(@*)$&(@#*)&%)(@*&$(*#@^)(*#&$()@#*&$!()*^@!()#*&!()@#*&%#@()*&%()*#^@*()#%&()*@#&%!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just needed to say that. I'll just get back to the topic, which is... Ah, right. Dating. Next week. Shock and amazement, or so I've been promised. I'm glad he never mentioned Valentines. I'd probably have bolted on the spot. But then, he's at camp in the middle of nowhere right now (or at least I'm assuming, since the weekend of the camp was used as an argument for 'when') so dating today would've been complicated.
Huh. Now I understand how that rose got into the living room. My housemate's boyfriend came over. Duh!
So next week... or so he imagined. Monday I expect he'll be much more interested in sleeping, wednesday night I have several obligations (not sure if I'll do all... and if not, which I'd skip), thursday night is 'family dinner' at the sorority, and friday's Amicitia... Then saturday, more sleep, and sunday's just ridiculous. So that kind of makes it tuesday or bust, and I might just give him a runaround before then.
For instance, my phone's dead. You know, the only thing standing between me and complete alienation from college? It died. I have no idea where I left the recharger, unless of course I spend half a day chartering to my parents' and back. But that kind of defeats the idea of one here, one there. But then again, idly sitting around isn't exactly going to rechare my phone either. Anyway, so that doesn't work. And with my recent fascination with arts and crafts, who knows when I'll be behind my pc again. Plus, runarounds are easiest through chat. Much easier to divert the conversation or simply forget to answer definitively.
Again with the avoidance! I can see how I'm scared this 'date' will turn the whole friendship stale. I know dinner and a movie isn't exactly my strong suit. Though actually, it wouldn't be the first time I went to dinner with him. We'd planned to crash someone's dinner, but showed up late and ended up in pizza place. The waiter gave me a rose. He got the check and some mints. It was hilarious. We split the bill, and I remember something about admiring a cat walking around inside. The whole experience came nowhere near 'date'.
I can't help but wonder, would it be any different if we changed the label? I've never had a tense moment with this guy in my life. Would he suddenly put on his game face to make everything different? If he changes into some whole other person or starts behaving significantly different, I really think I should get out of there. And if he doesn't, I strongly doubt anything would ever happen. And now I've already convinced myself the whole ordeal is doomed from the start, and I've effectively started a self-fulfilling prophecy. Again.
I try, but I can't just let things happen. I can't turn off my thoughts, feelings, everything, long enough to start a viable relationship. In fact, last time I tried that I ended it because I had done just that. Didn't think, didn't feel, just let it happen, all while I was getting a pop quiz on my thoughts and feelings. Just switching off is not an answer. It ends up a meaningless fling, or worse. I... am the bomb in a game of Risk. I don't engage anyone - I can't engage anyone. But any who approach me suffer the consequences. I'm harmless unless provoked. Inert until roused. Easy-going until seduced.
Well. That might not be entirely true. Even though I use online contacts with men mostly out of the need to rant, period, I tend to get just a little bit possessive over these connections. If the guy doesn't sit there, take it and act pleased I get annoyed. Just today I've promised myself to avoid all contact with one of my rant-palls until he contacts me. A few days of talking to someone who isn't even there can do that to a person, I guess. I just can't help but notice the pattern. I did the same with Four, ages ago, and he never contacts me.
I miss Rose. Even if the movie of death occured, he broke pattern. It was him who couldn't get romantic with me, not the other way around. Eight months to reunion. If he's going.
So yeah, dating. Seeing how most my thoughts go to what'll happen after things go sour, I doubt it'll be a succes. Maybe I really should've gone with awkward rebound brunch instead.
So what's going on in my lovelife? people have the audacity to ask. Well, you know me.
Absolutely nothing. Not if my subconscious has anything to say about it.
Think on it,
Erane
The last two weeks or so have gone by in a frenzy of demotivation and overmotivation, skipping school on one end and taking on project after project on the other. Cutting fabric for one dress, getting supplies for another, seaming a skirt, 'shaving' a puppet, knitting babyclothes, you name it, I've done it. I even picked up my old scoobidou skills and continued an old embroidery. Even several books, characters and LARP purchases crossed my mind as serious options to spend my time.
I'm not even sure why I haven't been going to school. Every morning, my phone rings the alarm to kick me out of bed and boot me off to college. And every morning, I snooze until it's too late to bother. The later it gets, the better I can convince myself it's not worth going anymore. I can't do this to myself anymore. I already skipped the entire last period. I can't double back another year. If I don't man up and do this... I may never finish my studies. And if I can't even work the one major that fits me like a second skin, what on earth am I supposed to do? I could never motivate myself to study something... less. And I certainly can't get a job without a diploma. I don't even have a sense of direction without a diploma.
At the very least I have to do the assignments posted online, the ones I need to pass the courses and pad up my grades. I know this perfectly well. I still haven't started on philosophy (or even aqcuired the syllabi) and I still haven't finished the first week's prolog (of which I don't actually know what we're supposed to turn in). I can blame the early hours all I want, but the fact remains that I've seen close to 40 hours of tv-shows in the last three days and spent 0 minutes on my studies.
And now... I'm not even sure that's what I'm worried about. I am... going on a date. I think. No, I'm going on a date. That may not turn out to be one. And clearly I'm chickening out. What's with this whole dating thing, anyway? I thought for sure our country was too sober to even believe in it. Something developes, or it doesn't... isn't that how the romance thing works? Getting to know someone as a purely platonic friend, having him crash over without any repercussions or awkwardness is not quite my idea of something developing.
I mean, for crying out loud. Our most frequent topic of conversation is Pokémon. Of all things! Pokémon! Where I come from, once it's okay to have serious conversations about childhood fandoms, it's because the relationship has already received the kiss of death. The only other guy I ever shared this fandom with is Busboy. He's practically the definition of platonic.
But then, he specifically used the word 'date' when he asked me out (for an as yet unplanned evening, to my knowledge). He might as well have had me in a corner, though. He asked as a sort of 'by the way' while my bus home was pulling up and he was leaving for his. I mentioned how funny and strange the idea was, that I'd never been on a real 'date'. He agreed. We laughed it off. It still felt platonic, and I was in a rush, and I... said sure. Well no, let me rephrase that. I said, "Why not?" I honestly believed I had nothing to lose.
Hm. I just realised today is Valentines. Typical to have a romantic epiphany on the holy day of romance. Anyway.
When later he mentioned a night of movies, fun and awe I had to restrain myself from mocking the comment. It just doesn't feel like anything's changed from the goofy Pokémon athmosphere... but that's not true, is it? If he felt the same way, saw us as just two friends with shared interests, he wouldn't be pursuing this. And if he hadn't specifically mentioned it'd be a date, the thought would never have crossed my mind. On numerous occasions I've explained to my housemate that nothing was there. How did I miss this? Why do I always miss this? I hate being naïve and gullible! Empathy, perception, all of it is worth squat when it comes to what people think of me... How can I -- Oh.
"How can I protect myself if I can't see these things coming?" ... I still see dating as a threat. Shit.
I was worried Four would find his match in Five. I've killed plenty of relationships with a single night on the town. I've killed many more before things escalated to even that. Last time I convinced myself it was just as friends, the night ended with a surprise kiss on the cheek. Of all things? It's only the most confusing thing ever. Last time a guy showed blatant interest in me, I never even responded to the invite.
Suddenly I know exactly where Moshie's coming from. The guy was perfectly interesting and intriguing a year and a half ago, when he turned out to be dating someone else and never even considered me. Now I meet him again single, flirty and halfway drunk, and I've actually gone home without telling anyone because he bored me crazy. The guy thought I was being coy, but liked being teased. The guy thought he was teasing. My normal mode of conversation tends to be more provocative. I was merely too exhausted to bother.
Drifting off.
I know that I have to be open to the whole relationship thing. I know I could never do flings. Well, that's not true. I know I could never fling with guys that can do flings, and that I'd never fling with guys that can't. I guess that means I can't do flings...? Whatever. Flings are not for me, the idea of perfect strangers disgusts me, and the idea of repercussions with people I do know terrifies me. But I really do try to open up. I say yes to things my instinct tells me to run from. Except part of me knows I'll run sooner or later.
I'm not ready. I've never been ready. And I don't know what to do to ready myself. I'm a very open person; I can tell a stranger anything and never think twice about it. I'm posting my innermost thoughts and secrets on the world-wide web on an unprotected website in a universal language. Does it get any better than that? I'm a writer, I know I can tell anything to strangers and I know people can accept any knowledge of strangers, because that's all they're ever going to be.
Sometimes I wonder what would happen if any of my friends (other than Moshie, who has a hotlink) found this blog. Occasionally I route them to my vague, artsy blog. On rare occasions one of them gets shown the skeletons in my closet otherwise known as fanfiction. And I regularly tell them tall tales about CM, the Canadian-girl-whose-blog-I-read. If they were ever to read it, to read the comments she gets... This may not be my given name, but it stands out to each and every one of them none the less. They'd all know it were me. And it links straight to this blog.
I do fear it, sometimes. But not even Moshie figured it out. We just exchanged links and that was that. And in a way, she's safe too. She knows enough to understand who's who, but that's about all the involvement she has. For all intents and purposes, however close she is to me... when it comes to sharing my feelings on the people I know, she's just another stranger. Another safety net. I still have a habit of spreading around what rants end up with who. Everything lands with someone who knows just enough to follow the story, but much too little to have any effect.
Which reminds me, I saw Drow online today. I congratulated her on something mentioned in her screenname. As per usual, no response ever came. I'm used to it. I just want to say one thing while no one is listening.
*ahem* ...
)(@$&@#($*&#%_*#)$&@#)%*@_#%&@#)*$&#)@($*@_#*!#)$^@()#*$!_&)_%&%@#)$*($@)#(%&)!@#($*)(E*)@#($&@#*)(%)@#($*_%&#)@($*@#()%#()@&$!_@*(^%)_!&*#%()#&(*!$@^#*#!@^#&* @#*^@#*&$^#*&^()* &@()*$&()@#%*^@#(*)$&@#()*$&@#()*^$!(@*)$&(@#*)&%)(@*&$(*#@^)(*#&$()@#*&$!()*^@!()#*&!()@#*&%#@()*&%()*#^@*()#%&()*@#&%!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just needed to say that. I'll just get back to the topic, which is... Ah, right. Dating. Next week. Shock and amazement, or so I've been promised. I'm glad he never mentioned Valentines. I'd probably have bolted on the spot. But then, he's at camp in the middle of nowhere right now (or at least I'm assuming, since the weekend of the camp was used as an argument for 'when') so dating today would've been complicated.
Huh. Now I understand how that rose got into the living room. My housemate's boyfriend came over. Duh!
So next week... or so he imagined. Monday I expect he'll be much more interested in sleeping, wednesday night I have several obligations (not sure if I'll do all... and if not, which I'd skip), thursday night is 'family dinner' at the sorority, and friday's Amicitia... Then saturday, more sleep, and sunday's just ridiculous. So that kind of makes it tuesday or bust, and I might just give him a runaround before then.
For instance, my phone's dead. You know, the only thing standing between me and complete alienation from college? It died. I have no idea where I left the recharger, unless of course I spend half a day chartering to my parents' and back. But that kind of defeats the idea of one here, one there. But then again, idly sitting around isn't exactly going to rechare my phone either. Anyway, so that doesn't work. And with my recent fascination with arts and crafts, who knows when I'll be behind my pc again. Plus, runarounds are easiest through chat. Much easier to divert the conversation or simply forget to answer definitively.
Again with the avoidance! I can see how I'm scared this 'date' will turn the whole friendship stale. I know dinner and a movie isn't exactly my strong suit. Though actually, it wouldn't be the first time I went to dinner with him. We'd planned to crash someone's dinner, but showed up late and ended up in pizza place. The waiter gave me a rose. He got the check and some mints. It was hilarious. We split the bill, and I remember something about admiring a cat walking around inside. The whole experience came nowhere near 'date'.
I can't help but wonder, would it be any different if we changed the label? I've never had a tense moment with this guy in my life. Would he suddenly put on his game face to make everything different? If he changes into some whole other person or starts behaving significantly different, I really think I should get out of there. And if he doesn't, I strongly doubt anything would ever happen. And now I've already convinced myself the whole ordeal is doomed from the start, and I've effectively started a self-fulfilling prophecy. Again.
I try, but I can't just let things happen. I can't turn off my thoughts, feelings, everything, long enough to start a viable relationship. In fact, last time I tried that I ended it because I had done just that. Didn't think, didn't feel, just let it happen, all while I was getting a pop quiz on my thoughts and feelings. Just switching off is not an answer. It ends up a meaningless fling, or worse. I... am the bomb in a game of Risk. I don't engage anyone - I can't engage anyone. But any who approach me suffer the consequences. I'm harmless unless provoked. Inert until roused. Easy-going until seduced.
Well. That might not be entirely true. Even though I use online contacts with men mostly out of the need to rant, period, I tend to get just a little bit possessive over these connections. If the guy doesn't sit there, take it and act pleased I get annoyed. Just today I've promised myself to avoid all contact with one of my rant-palls until he contacts me. A few days of talking to someone who isn't even there can do that to a person, I guess. I just can't help but notice the pattern. I did the same with Four, ages ago, and he never contacts me.
I miss Rose. Even if the movie of death occured, he broke pattern. It was him who couldn't get romantic with me, not the other way around. Eight months to reunion. If he's going.
So yeah, dating. Seeing how most my thoughts go to what'll happen after things go sour, I doubt it'll be a succes. Maybe I really should've gone with awkward rebound brunch instead.
So what's going on in my lovelife? people have the audacity to ask. Well, you know me.
Absolutely nothing. Not if my subconscious has anything to say about it.
Think on it,
Erane
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